Help me!!! My legs have gone numb…my hearts beating out my chest…I’m finding it hard to breath and I can’t swallow very well. I think i’m going to faint…no throw up…no die!
This was my last panic attack that happened only about 2 weeks ago. I was alone in the house and there was nobody about to shout out for help. I felt like I had no control of how my body was feeling and my thoughts were going into overdrive.
After having Anxiety/panic attacks for nearly 20 years you would think that I would be used to it. But each attack is just as scary and unpredictable. It could happen at any time and most of the time there’s no stopping it.
Going back to the year of 2005 I remember the most horrendous panic attack I had in public and it was in Tesco of all places and to this day it gets in the way of going about my everyday life.
Anyway on this day my Mum and I had gone in to do our weekly shop and I always liked to push the trolley so I could go nosing about and sneakily put things in I liked. But on this day it was the worst thing to be pushing. We were right in the middle of quite a sizable supermarket and I needed to get out ASAP. The shelves looked like they were moving and my legs felt like jelly, the lights seemed so bright I thought I need to get out of here before I make myself look stupid.
I managed to look stupid. I had slid away from my Mum with the trolley and I headed down the aisles as fast as I could, Mum being unaware that I was having an anxiety attack. I had managed to leave the trolley by the tills and leg it outside onto the bench and shoved my head between my legs. I was feeling embarrassed, scared and ashamed. Mum found me and her trolley full of food.
I soon learnt that there is nothing to be ashamed of having Anxiety and to not be afraid to say I have a Mental Health issue. There is such a stigma about being scared to speak about it but until you have experienced it you wont fully understand.
I am coming up 32 this year and having to battle with anxiety attacks on quite a frequent basis and having to plan everything around the anxiety and whether I am going to be ok in that situation is exhausting and my life is in no way normal to the people that are my age or even younger.
I struggle to go places alone, even walking to the shop on my own causes an anxiety attack so 9/10 times you’ll see me with someone. My 11 year old niece can stroll to her local shop on her own and it feels horrible that I can’t do it myself.
I had to give up learning to drive, even pull out of a first holiday abroad with my best mate all because of the dreaded thing that is Anxiety.
Life is bearable with little helping mechanisms that I will go through next week as this post is super long already.
Thank you for reading my story and this is only a snippet of it. i really should write a book i could definitely fill the pages.
Never frown upon a person who says they suffer with anxiety until you’ve heard how it affects them.