I never thought this time last year I would be where I am. Living life totally different to what I envisioned it to be. All best-laid plans go wrong and illness doesn’t care if you’re a good person or not.
Today it’s been 5 months since my legs started to feel very odd. I don’t think I will forget the 20th of July in a hurry. It’s changed my life so much. Not a day goes by where I don’t have to struggle to do everyday tasks. I never thought I would have to utter the words paralysis/paralysed to describe how I was feeling.
I think it doesn’t help that today is my Dads birthday and he’s poorly in hospital…his ward is closed due to winter illnesses so he won’t have a good day, plus I don’t want to upset him seeing me like this. Even though he has vascular dementia I know he would still be so upset to see me in a wheelchair. He knows I love him so very much. It hurts though without me being like this. You never think your parent will get the most torturing diseases early and not be able to live his older days as planned.
My illness however is manageable but not curable. It will do as it pleases and stops me from doing normal things a 30 something woman does but I won’t ever let it get the better of me. It can make me cry and get frustrated a little but I won’t let it get me down.
Who knows one day I may be able to hand back the wheelchair and the other mobility aids if they do wave a magic wand and live life a bit more free. I’ll just keep staying positive, work towards my goals in life and try not to see the way I am at the moment as an obstacle.
I have hopes and dreams and I hope that I can achieve them sometime soon or in the future, whenever… Just as long as I can put tick next to them and write done.
To any of you facing a struggle please know you will get through it even if it takes longer than you hoped.