I say I am not scared but deep down I’m bricking it.
So on Friday I had to go to hospital to get ‘marked up ‘ which means they get a permanent marker and draw on where they think my stoma will go to and how high I wear my trousers so this is what my tummy looks like at the mo.
On Saturday I had to have my last substantial meal but also 3 of these build up drinks called fortisips. Luckily I like the 2 flavours they gave me – Apricot and vanilla. I must say it was hard drinking them as they are like a milkshake but fill you up a lot more.
I tried to distract myself from thinking too much about it and watched a bit of eye candy on the TV – Micky Flanagan. I know he’s not your typical hunk but there’s just something about him 😍
Today’s Sunday and I’ve got to seriously get sorted because tomorrow is the day.
I have to make sure all is packed in my bag the essentials and mum said she can bring things up at a later date when I’m feeling a bit more human. I have to stop eating properly at 2pm and can have jelly and ice cream til midnight if I am hungry. The dreaded drinks I have another 6 to drink today and then 2 Monday in the morning before surgery.
I’m going to enjoy a nice soak in the shower as I dunno when I’ll be able to have my next one. I bought Bohemian Rhapsody on DVD so that’ll be tonight’s viewing before I attempt to get a bit of shut eye before my 5am wake up call.
I’ve got some scheduled blog posts for 2 weeks so I hope you’ll enjoy them.
I know that the saying goes put your all into everything.
But honestly, be realistic about how much you can do and don’t make yourself feel shit in the process.
I myself have been putting pressure on myself to make podcasts and try and help others and give myself purpose.
Truth be told: At the moment my body paralysis is all over the place – possibly stress related but still not been proven. Anxiety has been present and my bladder is always problematic.
I can’t help these issues but i can not put so much pressure on myself and just help one person at a time when they need it.
My message to you is: Your goal will always be there, don’t rush. It will be worth it in the end.
Sorry I haven’t been writing on the blog, my mobility issues bought me into hospital at the weekend.
My whole body was paralysed and I felt like I was pinned to the bed. It truly is a awfully annoying illness to have. So for the past 3 days I’ve been in a hospital bed surrounded by older people. I love the older generation but these are less sociable so my iPad has been a blessing.
I hope to be home very soon and to recover better in the comfort of my own bed. My creative juices are still there but I need to listen to my body and relax a bit.
Here is a video from back in the summer if you want to get to know me a bit better
GET TO KNOW ME Q AND A
I really want to do videos on my channel again in the new year just hope you guys will watch them too.
I will try and write on here once I settle back into my surroundings ( my bedroom)
Love you guys and I hope you all are getting in the festive mood 😘
Yes i know my hair is a little fly away but today that’s how i feel.
I wish i could fly away from all the upset in my life and land on a private island – sounds appealing doesn’t it.
I hate that over the last few years my poor health has taken over with my bladder, my neurological condition and the will to just walk miles around the shopping centre – but I’m so thankful that a wheelchair still gives me independence.
My days are always controlled by when my body paralysis will hit, how bad and for how long.
I spoke to my Dad on the phone earlier. He has vascular dementia and it was not the conversation i wish i was having with him.
I wish i was saying lets go on an adventure like we used to Dad. It’s so damn sad.
Only last month i lost my big brother who had battled cancer twice and this time it took him. It always pains me when its always the best people it happens to and not the bad buggers locked up.
Illness affects everyone i know that but it truly sucks when it’s yourself and your family that seems to suffer so much.
Tomorrow will hopefully bring a better day and I’m probably just having a bit of a crappy one today.
Rememer it’s ok to not be ok
Til next time
Hi my wonderful readers,
I hope you will understand me when i say
I won’t be blogging until the beginning of October…possibly just before as you know i love writing about my monthly favourites.
My health as you know has been rather troublesome over the last few weeks and since i wrote my last post i have been home from hospital and back in. I am now at home trying to recuperate.
I feel like i wouldn’t be able to do my blog posts while not feeling full par. So if you have a heart please understand.
Love you all xx
Sunday afternoon just gone i was really not feeling too grand. I hadn’t made it out of my pyjamas, but after all it was Sunday.
Mum was due back at 3pm but by the time she walked through the door tears streaming down my face unable to move nothing but my mouth and said ‘ Mum it’s came back again ‘
Off i went to hospital via the blue light brigade – an ambulance.
The full body paralysis reared it’s ugly head and i wish i could of shook it off but 12 hours later and it had subsided.
My legs have been paralysing every day but im able to move my toes and feet while sitting which is better than nothing.
The really crap thing is there’s no cure for this paralysis malarkey. If it does the whole body I’m back in hospital again until it gets the hint it’s not wanted and sods off.
I’m in a ward full of old ladies but i don’t mind i have them smiling and laughing most days.
Discharge date from the hospital i can’t wait as mums food is way way better and i can have peace and quiet.
I’m currently writing to you from a hospital bed.
Friday morning i wasn’t feeling right, not poorly just a bit spaced out at times but thought nothing of it.
Then just before midnight on friday evening i was sat with my friend in my room and my vision started to go funny, i was staring almost like what happens before a seizure. My speech went slurred and within minutes my whole body was paralysed. An ambulance was called and there within 10 minutes.
I was so scared, i could hear everything but couldn’t open my eyes. It was like i was locked in my own body.
By 5am Saturday morning i could open my eyes,move my head, my mouth and my fingers. But i felt so helpless. I was being fed my breakfast and lunch. I wanted to just be able to do it myself.
At 4pm Saturday afternoon all that was paralysed was my right leg so i was able to move about in bed more freely.
However this morning i have been awake an hour and both legs are paralysed. This i am used to but i am petrified that the full body paralysis will happen again and what if I’m on my own?
I will be back regularly blogging when I’m back home having bed rest. I thought i would keep you all updated.