Category: Health

• Big girls do cry

  Posted at 7:05 am by Holly, on October 20, 2018

  

  Oh my where do I start,

  So, I have been not as active on here as I usually am. I really don’t want people to think I’m any less of a blogger now than I was when I was smashing posts out left, right and centre.

  As you know if you follow me I have been in and out of the hospital this last year and it’s not particularly improving but I must try to manage it the best I can at home. My body still paralyses every day as soon as my eyes open it’s like it thinks ha she’s awake let’s be beat her body up.

  To be honest I am actually coping mentally better than I was but of course I get those days when I think oh bloody hell, why me. My thoughts need to be – you just try me.

  

  Also I had a birthday at the weekend which I couldn’t really celebrate for the very sad reason, that my big brother lost his fight with Cancer the day before my birthday. I really was hoping he had more fight left in him. Two years ago he was diagnosed, and he took everything in his stride. Will miss him so very much. Oh dear I’m tearing up again.

  Please know it’s ok to cry though, it shows you’re human and have a heart.

  Once my heads a bit straighter I will have a more regular uploading schedule. I much prefer to write and publish on the same day. I guess we are all different.

  Thanks for being understanding, and I’ll see you in my next post.

  Til then

  

  Posted in Health, lifestyle, Personal | 11 Comments | Tagged cancer, Health, lifestyle, Personal, Positivity, Relationship

• September in my own words

  Posted at 10:01 am by Holly, on September 26, 2018

  

  I haven’t really had a September if I’m honest with you. Currently writing this in my hospital bed at nearly midnight. Body is just not cooperating with me read my post here to see whats been going on.

  Anyways i wanted to write what did bring a smile to my face this month.

  

  I have never met a woman quite like my Mum. Who will drop everything when someone is in need. She always makes me smile/laugh daily. Without Mum I’d definitely be a broken girl ( i mean woman – I’m nearly 33 believe it or not )

  

  

  If you are a regular reader of mine you’ll know that a new electric wheelchair was something that I’ve wanted for a long time to help with my mobility issues and i needed to raise enough money for it. I have now got it and although I’ve only been on it a handful of times inbetween my hospital stays its made so much difference.

  

  

  You don’t know how much of a favourite my bed is to me. It is so comfy and when i can’t move about on bad days my bed makes it all better. Having my home comforts is paramount. you really can’t fit in a holdall when hospital visits are needed. Its really true what they say there really is no place like home.

  

  FILMS THAT CHEERED ME UP

  

  Pretty woman because it’s such a great snuggle down film and i just admit Mr Gere is just a gorgeous human being and who isn’t jealous of Julia’s legs and luscious curls.

  

  Bridget Jones Baby. I have watched this film a few times and it still makes me laugh. I always wanted to be Bridget cos she always ended up with Mr Darcy, lucky cow.

  Lastly I’ll leave you with a song that means alot to me.

  Hope you’ve all had a fab september and here’s to autumn in bloom in October and my birthday.

  Posted in favourites, Health, lifestyle, Personal, Positivity | 3 Comments | Tagged favourites, Health, inspiration, lifestyle, memories, Personal, Positive thinking

• Taking a few weeks off

  Posted at 6:51 pm by Holly, on September 15, 2018

  

  Hi my wonderful readers,

  I hope you will understand me when i say

  I won’t be blogging until the beginning of October…possibly just before as you know i love writing about my monthly favourites.

  My health as you know has been rather troublesome over the last few weeks and since i wrote my last post i have been home from hospital and back in. I am now at home trying to recuperate.

  I feel like i wouldn’t be able to do my blog posts while not feeling full par. So if you have a heart please understand.

  Love you all xx

  Posted in Chronic illness, Health, lifestyle, Personal | 6 Comments | Tagged Chronic illness, Health, journey, lifestyle, Personal, self care

• It came back again

  Posted at 6:59 am by Holly, on September 7, 2018

  

  Sunday afternoon just gone i was really not feeling too grand. I hadn’t made it out of my pyjamas, but after all it was Sunday.

  Mum was due back at 3pm but by the time she walked through the door tears streaming down my face unable to move nothing but my mouth and said ‘ Mum it’s came back again ‘

  Off i went to hospital via the blue light brigade – an ambulance.

  

  The full body paralysis reared it’s ugly head and i wish i could of shook it off but 12 hours later and it had subsided.

  My legs have been paralysing every day but im able to move my toes and feet while sitting which is better than nothing.

  The really crap thing is there’s no cure for this paralysis malarkey. If it does the whole body I’m back in hospital again until it gets the hint it’s not wanted and sods off.

  

  I’m in a ward full of old ladies but i don’t mind i have them smiling and laughing most days.

  Discharge date from the hospital i can’t wait as mums food is way way better and i can have peace and quiet.

  Posted in Chronic illness, Health, lifestyle, Personal | 9 Comments | Tagged Chronic illness, disability, Health, journey, lifestyle

• AUGUST FAVOURITES – Currently Loving

  Posted at 1:05 pm by Holly, on August 28, 2018

  

  Well what can I say August has been a whirlwind of a month where my health is concerned and visits to hospital but I always find good things to cheer me up each month.

  So here are the few things that either bought me a smile or just helped me in some way

  
  I thought we would start of with a food favourite, which would be a packet of whichever flavour French fries (I like them all) and some low fat humus that you can buy a mini pack of 3 from Morrison’s. This is definitely my go to snack at the mo. I don’t feel so guilty pigging out on this as I would on a cornetto (which is also another fave)

  

  After coming out of hospital last week I had been saving my pennies for something that would cheer me up and I defo needed cheering up so this beauty is now mine. It’s a iPad 9.7 2018 edition which is the best priced iPad if you don’t want to splash out on. I have all my favourite apps on it and watching Netflix on it or YouTube is just lovely.

  

  To go with it I got myself a cover to protect it as I am known to drop things and all the cases that I seen on Amazon weren’t floating my boat and then I saw this flamingo one and I was like yes yes and yes. I really love it and I hope it lasts a long time as I hate it when they start cracking down the spine bit.

  

  A totally weird thing to have as a favourite, but I picked this up in Flying Tiger. It’s a stress cheese with 2 mice in it. It actually does help my anxiety because you are concentrating on getting the mice out of the cheese and not thinking about the panic/anxiety attack itself, I think it was £3 and I think it’s so worth it. Flying Tiger have some really awesome little gadgets and bits that you will find handy. They aren’t online but you can always search for your nearest store.

  

  This is one of my favourite quotes I have stumbled across this month. It keeps me positive and know that whatever life throws at me I got this quote to spur me on. I always think that quotes can help you on so many levels. Have yourself a little collection on your phone or in a book.

  This is well cheesy but the song gets me singing along and I always loved steps growing up dancing around my kitchen or living room to 5,6,7,8 or tragedy. It’s really good when an old band from your childhood reunites as it’s a bit nostalgic and you can’t help but think of those good times. Please don’t judge me.

  There you have it a few random things that have perked up my August.

  Get your winter warmers out, autumns coming and I can’t wait it’s my favourite season of all.

  Posted in favourites, Health, lifestyle, mental health, Personal, Positivity, Quotes | 3 Comments | Tagged favourites, happiness, lifestyle, mental health, Personal, Positivity, Quotes

• What a scary experience

  Posted at 6:55 am by Holly, on August 19, 2018

  

  I’m currently writing to you from a hospital bed.

  Friday morning i wasn’t feeling right, not poorly just a bit spaced out at times but thought nothing of it.

  Then just before midnight on friday evening i was sat with my friend in my room and my vision started to go funny, i was staring almost like what happens before a seizure. My speech went slurred and within minutes my whole body was paralysed. An ambulance was called and there within 10 minutes.

  I was so scared, i could hear everything but couldn’t open my eyes. It was like i was locked in my own body.

  By 5am Saturday morning i could open my eyes,move my head, my mouth and my fingers. But i felt so helpless. I was being fed my breakfast and lunch. I wanted to just be able to do it myself.

  At 4pm Saturday afternoon all that was paralysed was my right leg so i was able to move about in bed more freely.

  However this morning i have been awake an hour and both legs are paralysed. This i am used to but i am petrified that the full body paralysis will happen again and what if I’m on my own?

  I will be back regularly blogging when I’m back home having bed rest. I thought i would keep you all updated.

  Posted in Chronic illness, Health, lifestyle, Personal | 5 Comments | Tagged Chronic illness, Health, life, lifestyle, Personal

• New wheels in sight

  Posted at 6:21 pm by Holly, on August 16, 2018

  

  Being chronically ill, the smallest things make such a difference in your life and put a smile on your face

  I guess todays post is just a quickie to say i have only 150 pounds to get to my target to get my electric wheelchair.

  I am so excited that my independence is in sight, so close.

  

  I have had some generous donations from my blogger friends, close friends and then a foundation that helps out people in need. I never thought I would need something to help me get about but i really wouldn’t want to be without a set of wheels.

  If you do want to donate, no pressure click here and it’ll take you to my just giving page. Anything is most gratefully received.

  Lets hope that the next time i talk about this it’ll be when I’ve got it.

  Just your support following my health journey is enough.

  Posted in Chronic illness, Health, lifestyle, Personal | 2 Comments | Tagged Chronic illness, Health, journey, lifestyle, Personal, wheelchair

• Health Update

  Posted at 7:14 pm by Holly, on August 9, 2018

  

  I thought it was a while since i gave you an in depth chat about my health in general.

  If it’s the first time you are reading my blog i haven’t enjoyed good health for about 6 years, but i rarely let it get me down.

  ANXIETY

  Of late i have been having some quite bad panic attacks right out the blue, at anytime of the day or night. I have been using distraction techniques like using a squidgy stress toy or the breathing app on my phone to get me back to normal. To be honest, just some fresh air sometimes helps me feel better. Anxietys the one illness that prevents me from being an independent woman and i hate it

  FUNCTIONAL NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER

  This has only been since last july. It literally happened in a blink of an eye. My legs just paralysed and now they go in and out of paralysis it sometimes affects my arms/hands. Mainly my legs though. I’ve had 2 episodes of loss of speech and a non epileptic seizure. To put FND in layman’s terms the signals sometimes don’t get to a certain part of my body causing them not to function. This has left me needing a wheelchair 3/4 of the time. I won’t let it defeat me.

  BLADDER

  I have a bladder stoma which is now 3 years old. My bladder went into severe retention and i couldn’t wee. I knew having my stoma would cause problems and I’m in and out the hospital with it but I’m so thankful it saved my life. We are keeping our fingers crossed that i don’t need my bladder enlarged as it will be one hell of an operation.

  M.E

  Alot of people don’t get what M.E is and just think its chronic fatigue. My voice goes for days at a time if i over exert on something that someone else may not find that strenuous and could land me in bed for up to a week. I find when its bad i can’t string a sentence together without getting mixed up. In this heat my muscles have ached which is new for me but all i can do is rest and wish for a cure one day.

  There you have it, my health and me.

  Sometimes you are dealt a crap hand and its your choice weather to fight it or give up.

  Everything is worth fighting for

  Posted in Chronic illness, Health, lifestyle, mental health, Personal, Positive thinking | 6 Comments | Tagged anxiety, Chronic illness, lifestyle, mental health, Personal, Positivity

• Did you not feel anything?

  Posted at 6:28 pm by Holly, on August 5, 2018

  

  You know last month
  The guy i told you i was going to stop being in contact with because he wasn’t making me feel special…silly me thought if i just hang on a little longer he may change.

  Yesterday evening i sent him a message that i deserve better but thanks for the laughs because theres no denying that we were always laughing. I didn’t get a reply or anything. So today i done the done thing and blocked him.

  

  I am not a shallow person by any means but it’ll stop it all together. I deserve someone who sees my flaws and takes me just as i am, and puts in the effort that he just didn’t. It was a one sided kinda thing. I should have known that he was not the one as the months went by but 6 months and not even asking me to be his girl…i think i just liked the little attention he did pay me.

  

  What’s that saying there’s plenty more fish in the sea. I guess having a disability i think who’s gonna want me in a wheelchair with all my other added problems…i think i have my answer, The right one.

  Posted in Health, lifestyle, Personal, Relationship | 4 Comments | Tagged Health, lifestyle, love, Personal, reflection, Relationship

• Its been a long long road

  Posted at 5:45 pm by Holly, on August 2, 2018

  

  My day started at 7am the alarm went off. I said sod off to it twice before i got out.

  Today is one long ass day i have a hospital appointment which is 2 and a half hours away. So i downloaded this playlist on Spotify for the journey. I grew up in the 90s so thought it was quite apt

  So mum and me started our journey up there at 9:30. There was a lady who literally told the bus her life story we all couldn’t stop laughing. She was quite comical. She got off at the city before so we had a bit of piece and quiet for the rest of the way there.

  

  So it was a double decker and as you can imagine there’s less space at the bottom. I was sat backwards because I’m in the wheelchair so i couldn’t give up my seat. 3/4 of the bus were OAPs so also couldn’t give theirs up either. So this old lady with a trolley had another older lady on her lap. It was so bad but she was smiling away. Luckily it was only 10 mins for her.

  My appointment for the hospital wasn’t until 3:30 so we went to Debenhams and had a spot of lunch and a little bit of retail therapy but it wasn’t half hot.

  

  So the verdict of my appointment is to try some tablets and if in 6 weeks there is no improvement tests will be taken on my bladder and possible bladder enlargement. But its a big operation like my stoma was so I’d rather not go down that route unless its totally necessary.

  

  After getting on the first bus we got on to go home the bus driver couldn’t get back into his driving seat after putting the ramp down for me. His door lock was wedged. There was a spare bus but to be honest it’s not much better. It keeps overheating but fingers crossed it’ll get me and mum home by 8pm tonight.

  I’ll sign off for now. Lets just say i can’t wait for my bed.

  Posted in Health, lifestyle, Personal, Positivity, writing | 4 Comments | Tagged Chronic illness, Health, journey, lifestyle, Personal, shopping, wheelchair, writing

• • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • YouTube
• Follow HOLZIELOVES on WordPress.com

• Recent Posts

  • Big girls do cry
  • LISTEN UP #2 – WEEKLY INSTALMENT
  • Look into my eyes
  • Listen up
  • GLAMOUR BEAUTY CLUB – BEAUTY PRODUCT REVIEWS

• Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

• WELCOME MESSAGE

• Instagram

  There was an error retrieving images from Instagram. An attempt will be remade in a few minutes.