THIS IS MY STORY

What I am about to tell you happened a fair few years ago but I feel its important to get my story out there and the message to people suffering to know that you are not alone in this.

So it all started when I was walking the route to work that I had walked many times before, that morning was like any other morning nothing had happened to start off what began as a horrendous ride through that part of my life.

I got halfway to work and I felt this feeling I never experienced before,

I was gasping for air, I wanted to scream but no words came out. I felt faint but I couldn’t keep still. I wanted to knock on a door and ask a help but I just couldn’t. Little did I know that this was the start of something really horrible.

I had just suffered the worst panic attack I had ever had…at school I had a few but nothing like this one. I felt like the life I had built back up after my years of torment at school had come crashing down. I started getting crippling panic attacks on a daily basis and soon I was getting to the point where I couldn’t even step outside my front door, wherever I was would bring on a panic attack and I just hated what it was doing to me so I shut myself away.

The anxiety/panic attacks were taking over me, my personality, my appetite and my sleep. I was unknown to myself spiralling into depression. Something I had never experienced. A month or so went by and I really couldn’t take much more of the way I felt or didn’t feel. I was so scared one night that I begged my parents to let me sleep on the floor in their room. I didn’t want to be alone. The truth was I hadn’t slept for a week, I was having thoughts of how I could end this sorry life I thought I had. After voicing it to my parents they took me to the out of hours minor injuries as it was on a Sunday the stupid doctor there said to my parents what do you want me to do about it? if she wants to end it she will. The bloke really didn’t give a shit and at that point nor did i.

Mum and Dad were off to work that Monday and I said to them out of desperation of how I was feeling that I may not be here when you get home tonight please don’t go. There and then I knew I didn’t want to die, I wanted help, medical help from the professionals….and that is what I had.

With intensive outpatient therapy, medication and monitoring I began to see the happier side of things. There was a positive in every day and I wasn’t the only one who ever felt like this…there were millions that had some of the exact thoughts, feelings and fears.

Since then I have had a few times where I had a blip and had to go back on some antidepressants. My body has been through a lot if you follow my blog you’ll know. The last time I was on them was just after having my big bladder op, it was a lot to adapt to and I just felt so alone in it. But I am a much stronger now and have learnt to take each day as it comes and never be afraid to ask for help.

There are mental health awareness days/weeks but in reality those living with a mental illness sometimes don’t get a break for years at a time…like my anxiety its been half of my life so the awareness of any mental health issue should always be made aware of so more people understand and are there as a helping hand.

I could write a book on this but I think I will stop here and I hope its given you an incite of my story of how a mental illness affected me.

Here are a few quotes I thought I would add in here to anyone who is struggling or needs that bit of comfort.

Much loves and thanks for reading xxx

Happy The Journal – My First Impression

I am so over the moon with this fabulous journal I had for Christmas from my brother…

The bro did good. More like his girlfriend did.

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So if you haven’t seen or heard of it before it is one of Fearne Cottons creations that she has put together of positive thinking in a journal type way. It is really quite clever and different. I haven’t seen one like it before.

I thought I would give you a first impression of what I think of it and a peek inside of it too.

This is my first page…It gives you a whole page to write down your wishes for the year ahead but instead of putting ‘I want’,  you write it as if it has actually has happened so in mine you can see my positive points. I came up with 10. It took me about half an hour to wrack my brains to come up with some good ones.

Throughout the journal you will see these quotes which are not only positive but powerful too. I always get that instant boost when I read a good quote.

Heres an idea if you don’t always have your book to hand you could copy the quotes down into the notes section on your phone and when you need that bit of positivity you have it right there.

Skipping to February – Each month has a theme and you probably can guess from the prompts above that Feb is Love. Even if you aren’t in a relationship they are still relatable as most of this book is pointed towards self-love and improving your life.

At the end of each day you will have a face with no mouth… here you can put how your mood was on that day and then when you flip back through its a reminder of how you felt on that day.

As you can see the pages are a bright array of pastel colours but unfortunately its a cold and miserable day with little sunlight so I just had to adjust mine to look semi-decent.

You can buy this Journal in pretty much every bookstore there is worldwide. It’s also kind to your purse too just over a tenner and has so many pages of content its well worth spending your pennies on.

If you like writing/journaling and a bit of self-development then this is going to be just the book for you.

Thanks for stopping by

Until next time…

hol

Give me a few days

Happy 2018 everyone,

I hope you all are having a fab one so far.

I am just writing a post to let you know that I haven’t been feeling too great for about a week. Had major earache on Christmas Day and a few days after. I then have had a couple of really bad days with my paralysis in my legs and along with Mother Nature and PMS you can imagine I just want normality.

Give me a few days and I’ll have some awesome blog posts for you. I’ll make sure they are worth the wait.

Much love and I hope you understand 😘

TO MY FOLLOWERS

As the days pass and the new year is nearly upon us

I wanted to ask you my followers, my loyal readers a few questions so I could work on it for the upcoming months ahead.

 

What posts of mine do you enjoy reading the most?

What would you like to see more of on here?

 What made you subscribe to me?

I want to make this blog as fun and informative as I possibly can. I love to write but sometimes like in most things you have a mental block and need a little advice to get you going again.

I would be so happy if you could leave your thoughts in the comments

Much love as always….

 

5 SELF HELP BOOKS TO START OFF YOUR NEW YEAR POSITIVELY

Self-help books aren’t for everyone but I am definitely one that loves a bit of guidance and because this year for me has been a bit crappy I am going into next year with a positive mind and positive outlook on things.

These 5 books are going to be my holy grails and I will be using them daily. In the past I haven’t been much of a bookworm but things change.

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 LITTLE BOOK OF CONFIDENCE BY SUSAN JEFFERS 

I bought this book a couple of years ago and when sorting out my book box there it was at the bottom. Its no bigger than a pack of cards so no matter how small your bag is you can easily fit it in there for when you need that boost of confidence.

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        A THOUSAND PATHS TO MINDFULNESS BY LIZ DEAN

My friend was telling me about mindfulness back along and i thought she was talking a load of twoddle and she gave me this book to keep and said you wont want to leave home without it. So when i went into hospital one of the activities other than therapy was mindfulness and i got to learn what its all about. It really helps the stress levels and focusing on the here and now.

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START WHERE YOU ARE BY MEERA LEE PATEL

I started this about a year ago and then put it to one side and didn’t follow on with it but now i’m in the right head space i have put it with my books to work on this year coming. It has allsorts of questions about you as a person on whats important to you and where you want to be. I think its fab and look forward to completing it.

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DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE BY MEGAN KAYE

This one is quite new to me but i have had a flip through it and done a few of the quizzes. It is full of things to do in there to discover the real you. I believe i got this from Amazon or maybe it was The Works.  Either way i highly reccommend buying one.

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365 DAYS OF POSITIVE THINKING BY JENNY KELLETT

I just downloaded this book onto my kindle and it was free so that was the added extra.  I  have decided that I will start it on Jan 1st as it has a page a day for the whole year. There isn’t much on each page but just enough to give you enough positivity and pause for thought. I’m really looking forward to putting this one into my daily routine.

Let me know if you have any Self-help books that you think would be worth reading.

Til next time…

hol

NEW THINGS COMING TO MY BLOG

I want to add a few things to my blog and I hope you’ll love it too. Since being ill I’ve looked at life in a totally different light. It’s made me think a lot more positively. I also want to be able to help people too. I have always been that kind of person – after having a bad time with bullying at school I went into youth work and counselling for a few years and it gave me so much joy to see others smile after feeling low.

So I wanted to add these things to my blog on top of the topics I already have.

  • Improving mental health
  • Mindfulness
  • Self care
  • Weight loss journey
  • Positive thinking
  • Health updates

I also am going to start a YouTube channel in the new year. I will leave the link here if you want to follow then as soon as my first video comes out you won’t miss it.

MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL

– All I’m going to say that is going to be like nobody else’s –

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Just a short update, oh and Happy 1st of December…

let Christmas festivities officially begin.

Until next time

hol

How To Get A Mental Cleanse

Lately I have realised there is no point in clogging up your life with things that just add more stress and anxiousness to what really can be a more zen like kind of life. 

I have came up with a list of things that you can start doing to help get your mental health looking and feeling more like you got your shit in order to put it quite frankly.

SELF CARE

  • Go to bed 30 minutes earlier than you normally would. Do this for a few weeks and you’ll soon be in a routine.
  • Journal for 15 minutes about whatever comes to mind. Its for your eyes only so don’t hold back.
  • Make weekly goals and do daily gratitude journalling. It will make you appreciate things more.
  • Reward yourself with a pampering or a nice bubble bath. Giving yourself some well deserved me time.

DIET AND EXERCISE

  • Meditate for 5 mins in the morning and a little longer in the evening if you can to keep your mind clear and allow yourself to unwind.
  • Find a workout you enjoy and do it regularly. Yoga, Pilates or Tai Chi are less strenuous and focus on the here and now.
  • Look at your diet and add some goodness into it whether its fruit, veggies, nuts and seeds or just drinking more water your body will thank you for it.
  • Enjoy every bite you take and appreciate what you’re eating. 

DIGITAL CLEANSE

  • Remove all unwanted texts from your phone unless you really need to keep them its just using up space. That goes for emails too. 
  • Try to not go on social media first thing in the morning, take this time to be productive. Leave it until at least 11am before you click on it.
  • Unfollow people who don’t inspire you.
  • Don’t use your phone at mealtimes and out with friends you’re meant to be enjoying the moment not dictating your outing word for word.

POSITIVITY

  • Give yourself a compliment, and compliment others too.
  • Make sure you laugh daily -My favourite quote is live,laugh, love.
  • Make a Pinterest board of positive quotes and affirmations.
  • Do a little random act of kindness. It’s always nice to make someone’s day.

Putting these into practice everyday will change your life completely and you’ll look at it in a totally different light. It will become part of you before you know it and you won’t be getting stressed right out because you will have these helpful tools to keep you smiling.