Prepping for my operation

I say I am not scared but deep down I’m bricking it.

So on Friday I had to go to hospital to get ‘marked up ‘ which means they get a permanent marker and draw on where they think my stoma will go to and how high I wear my trousers so this is what my tummy looks like at the mo.

On Saturday I had to have my last substantial meal but also 3 of these build up drinks called fortisips. Luckily I like the 2 flavours they gave me – Apricot and vanilla. I must say it was hard drinking them as they are like a milkshake but fill you up a lot more.

I tried to distract myself from thinking too much about it and watched a bit of eye candy on the TV – Micky Flanagan. I know he’s not your typical hunk but there’s just something about him 😍

Today’s Sunday and I’ve got to seriously get sorted because tomorrow is the day.

I have to make sure all is packed in my bag the essentials and mum said she can bring things up at a later date when I’m feeling a bit more human. I have to stop eating properly at 2pm and can have jelly and ice cream til midnight if I am hungry. The dreaded drinks I have another 6 to drink today and then 2 Monday in the morning before surgery.

I’m going to enjoy a nice soak in the shower as I dunno when I’ll be able to have my next one. I bought Bohemian Rhapsody on DVD so that’ll be tonight’s viewing before I attempt to get a bit of shut eye before my 5am wake up call.

I’ve got some scheduled blog posts for 2 weeks so I hope you’ll enjoy them.

Don’t ever suffer in silence like i did

Throughout my life, if I am being honest I have suffered quite a bit other than my health over the 33 years of my life.

Here are a few I’ll mention:

  • Bullied severely at school – police were involved come the end
  • Taken advantage of whilst drunk -shame on them
  • Sexually abused – Don’t worry I’m fine, there will always be wrong’uns
  • Had depressive moments – needed medication and outpatient therapy

I will forever remember these times it’s not easy to just forget those times in my life but it won’t ever define who I am or let it ruin my life. It happened and I can’t change what happened in the past.

I can however help those people who are struggling themselves. It’s the caring side of me. I wished I had more people about in my times of need. I had a few but not that one person who I could tell everything to.

HAVE A LISTEN TO ME

Please remember that there are people out there who can help you whether they are just an ear to listen, someone in a profession that can help you in the right direction or a friend/family member.

Believe it or not, they’ve probably encountered one of your problems and can aid you back to smiley happier you.

If you ever need someone to chat to online feel free to inbox me on the below social media pages

Thanks for stopping by

Til next time

Just breathe…Don’t panic

Over the last few days i have needed to try something a little different to unwind.

My health has been rather pants of late. My body paralysis has been a bit all over the place and my bladder is being evicted in a few months…you know back in the health update saying we were trying to dodge a big op…well it’s got rather desperate and am in need of a urostomy – a pee bag. So anxiety has been a bit erratic as you can imagine.

So i have changed the way i try to relax. Using a few apps on my phone

INSIGHT TIMER

It gives you guided meditation for all sorts of different aspects of life and i really like the timer part of it. You set the time and the sound you find soothing and away you go.

DAYLIO

If you want to keep a track of your moods and activities to look back on then the daylio app is great. As you can see you can edit your moods as i have and also the activities are editable too – still need to do mine. You can also add a little bit about your day too, like a diary. I like it so far.

Don’t be afraid to change bits of your routine to help you along the way.

Thanks for stopping by

Til next time

Beat the January blues

I’m speaking from past experiences but doesn’t January just put you out of sorts. Literally at the stroke of midnight New Year’s Eve and bam 💥 you’re in another month…another year nonetheless and I know some people just hate change. It’s like you are expected to put on a happy face and celebrate…

Don’t be ashamed, it’s ok to feel underwhelmed.

Here are 10 things to do to help you feel a little more happier if only a little bit

  • Write down 5 things that immediately bring a smile to your face
  • Eat your favourite meal – whether you cook it or order it in
  • Look through photos that hold great memories
  • Give yourself a little pampering – you’re worth it
  • Give your bedroom/living space a makeover
  • Phone a friend and just chat – it’s good to talk
  • Make yourself a playlist of music that gets your heart singing as well as you
  • Order yourself a few items of clothing, It’s surprising how much of a difference it can make to your mood
  • Get writing. Whatever is on your mind write it down, it’s s great form of self reflection and therapy.
  • Plan a day/evening out with a friend or family member. It’ll do you good to let your hair down.

Look at January like this it’s half way through the month  now. You’ve made it this far. So take it day by day and appreciate the littlest things that do make you grin.

Always feel free to DM me on my twitter or instagram page below

Til next time my sweet ones

Its just not fair

Yes i know my hair is a little fly away but today that’s how i feel.

I wish i could fly away from all the upset in my life and land on a private island – sounds appealing doesn’t it.

I hate that over the last few years my poor health has taken over with my bladder, my neurological condition and the will to just walk miles around the shopping centre – but I’m so thankful that a wheelchair still gives me independence.

My days are always controlled by when my body paralysis will hit, how bad and for how long.

I spoke to my Dad on the phone earlier. He has vascular dementia and it was not the conversation i wish i was having with him.

I wish i was saying lets go on an adventure like we used to Dad. It’s so damn sad.

Only last month i lost my big brother who had battled cancer twice and this time it took him. It always pains me when its always the best people it happens to and not the bad buggers locked up.

Illness affects everyone i know that but it truly sucks when it’s yourself and your family that seems to suffer so much.

Tomorrow will hopefully bring a better day and I’m probably just having a bit of a crappy one today.

Rememer it’s ok to not be ok

Til next time

Look at the sky tell me what do you see – MENTAL HEALTH TALK

To you looking at these pictures below they may just look like different times of the day. But i want you to look at them slightly differently.

This picture symbolises a good day to someone who suffers with any sort of mental health issue. They may not have many of them but this shows that there are brighter days and just to keep the faith as the saying goes.

This is on their not so good days and when they may need someone to reach out and let them know that they are not alone and everything will be ok eventually.

Then there are those that see this and everything is dark, out of focus and can’t see which way to go. This is when you really need to take action for the person suffering so badly. They need to see that brighter sky again and sometimes just on their own they don’t have the courage or strength to do it. That’s where you can be the light at the end of the tunnel.

Don’t forget you may be having the best day where someones living their worst. Find a heart to help anyone in need.

Thanks for stopping by

Til next time

Let’s get spiritual

I am only just getting into finding out about all things spiritual.

You see i have had alot of upset in my life of late and i am one to be positive and at peace with things as you all know.

Its come to mind that when i want a bit of a a chill out sesh and not sleep just to get in a different mindset i thought I’d try out some spiritual stuff so I’m just as new to it as you.

I have found 12 gemstones i want to get that have different meanings and properties to them.

Here they are

  • Onyx- Blocking negativity, patience, determination
  • Rose Quartz- unconditional love, emotional healing, compassion
  • Amethyst- Intuition, balance, higher wisdom
  • Opal- inspiration, creativity, aids pain
  • Citrine- Brightness, positivity, clearing
  • Lapis Lazuli- psychic vision, celestial energy, nobility

  • Topaz- affection, sweetness, disposition
  • Aquamarine – luck, fearlessness, protection
  • Jade – purity, friendship, peace
  • Garnet- Self esteem, victory, eternal love
  • Bloodstone- Alignment, Generosity, good fortune,
  • Agate – self confidence, mental strength, calmness

I really want to get all 12 but need to find a decent place to find them. I truly do think if you believe in the magic of them they can work for you.

Til next time