My Story About Love

Let me start off by saying that this is a little in-depth account of my love life… you can see how its kind of panned out over the years.

Ok so I seriously thought I was going to marry Chesney Hawkes, I used to change the words to ‘I am your one and only, please will you marry me? Oh cringe. I was only 7 or 8 I was still a little girl.  Michael Owen was another love of mine, I had a giant poster on my wall of him from my Shout magazine. Least I could go to bed happy.


I soon went off the idea of becoming Mrs Hawkes or Owen and looked forward to playing kiss chase at lunchtimes at primary school. That was when I kissed David. He was my first crush. He was short-ish like me and I went out with him briefly at year 6 camp. That didn’t last long…he moved on to my friend instead.

Throughout school I had a few boyfriends. One called Tom and another Jamie. I foolishly lost my virginity to one of them. Through peer pressure may I add. I also experienced my first girl kiss too, i had saw it on the TV and thought i want to see what it feels like. I knew that I couldn’t talk about it as I was already getting picked on for my skin too. So that was just brushed under the carpet and kept hush hush.


I left school and didn’t have my first proper boyfriend until I was 18. He was just like me he didn’t take life too seriously and we could just act ourselves without thinking we weren’t impressing each other. We met at work when we worked in a bar so when we weren’t working we would spend as much time together as possible. Just after a year he decided he wanted to go back to his Ex so that was a slight kick to the curb.

For a few years I thought I would just go clubbing and see who I could pull. Don’t frown on me I bet you’ve done it in the past. Some were never to be seen again and some were and still are friends. Just because you don’t want to pursue anything any further there’s no reason to not just be friends.


Just before my 21st birthday I took Richard back. I guess there was still parts of him I missed and we just fell back where we left off. But during the 18 months we were together he totally changed. Like overnight, he started to be quite controlling and if I wanted to go anywhere in the car he would demand I paid for petrol. I didn’t like the person he had become and I had to get out there and then. Not seen him to speak to since.

I was in the nightclub a few months later and me and this guy Jake had caught each others eye. We swapped numbers at the end of the night and then in one text he said I am off to Spain for a week we can arrange to meet up when I get back. I wasn’t holding out much hope. He was true to his word and we went out on a date, saw each other every night for 2 weeks when he said would you like to be my girlfriend. It lasted 3 months. I was so happy when I was with him, the only thing was he would buy me everything and I didn’t feel comfortable being spoilt like that. He finished it quite abruptly when I had packed to go away with him and I phoned up to asked what time he’d be coming to get me, he said I won’t.Just like that it was over.


From that day on I looked at love differently. I thought that it didn’t matter who you fell for, male or female you would find someone who appreciated you one day and they would make you smile endlessly and your heart would beat that little bit faster because of them.

I haven’t found my forever someone yet. I have been on dates with men and women and I guess the right person will come along when I least expect it. Just as long as i am not single forever.

Thanks for reading until the end… My hand hurts now from typing 🙂


When you know you’ll be best friends forever 

I haven’t ever met anyone quite like my best friend Jessica…funnily enough I call her Trev and she calls me Bert. 

We have been best friends literally our whole lives. Up until we were 11 we went to different schools but luckily our mums were great friends and we’d see each other at weekends.

Secondary school came around and this where we really bonded as friends. We grew up in each other’s pockets, I either stayed at hers or she stayed at mine. We shared secrets, made up funny words (still use them now) also we shared the same sense of humour.

Below is 15 year old us taking the mick out of our English teachers monobrow. Every time he started losing his temper the brow would jump about. It’s still a running joke now when we think our brows are not on fleek.

Trev went off to the navy for about 4 years and Skype wasn’t around then so funny letters were great every week I have a box full of them to laugh at.

We may not see each other every day or every week but most days we will message each other and know that if one needed the other we would be there in a flash.

Below is a photo from the end of last year and it’s one of my favourites. We still leave where we left off even if it was 6 months since we last met up.


We both live different lives but we are still best friends by heart and soul.

My special nugget forever.

We have memories to last a life time and to hold dear. 

I hope we are still best friends when we are grey and are struggling to hear 🙂 


Miracle Morning| Holzieloves – Podcast #1 

I thought about what I wanted to start my podcast episodes off with and I came up with a very positive one 😁

So here it is….

Applying this to your mornings will benefit not only you on the inside but it will show on the outside too.

Giving yourself that extra hour to achieve these things will put you in the right mindset for the day.

I’d love your feedback so if you listen let me know what you think…

Getting my thinking cap on for next weeks episode now.

Holzieloves: Listen up

Just a quick post to say:

I am starting a weekly podcast on Holzieloves where I will be talking about topics that you may not get here on the blog. I guess it will be good for those of you that enjoy listening to something whilst doing other things. I have never done anything like this before so you’ll have to bear with me to see if I’m any good 🙈

Click below to listen to my Introduction

You can find a new Podcast every Wednesday at 6pm over on sound cloud. You don’t need an account just a pair of working ears.

I will also update you on here to let you know when I have posted my latest podcast.

Let me know what you think…
much loves 💗

Stand Up Saturday: No means No (a personal story)

First of all this is a personal post so what I am about to tell you now actually happened to me and I never want anyone to have to go through it.

Ok here goes….This was about 8 years ago but still fresh in my memory.

I was going out with this lad i had known him for years, dated before actually. i reckon we were about 9 months into the relationship and we had gone out for a meal and a few drinks (in a restaurant) so no plans on getting drunk.

During the meal he had a message from his friends asking if we wanted to go and meet them for an hour before they travelled back to where they lived. Seemed like a plan so off we toddled arm in arm down the road to the pub.

When we got there his friends were nowhere to be seen and their phone was switched off. He had the hump on. I just wanted to get on home and get in my pjs with him and watch some slushy DVD.  So when we got home to mine we headed on upstairs as my parents were downstairs still. I reckon i must of dozed off half way through watching the DVD because when I woke up my boyfriend was straddled over me, i said to him what the hell do you think you are doing….he ignored me and carried on trying to enter me….Get the fuck off me I said in rage. He wasn’t stopping and i couldn’t move. He was taking advantage of me without me saying he could and he was being rough with it too. I had never seen this side to him. it wasn’t the alcohol he had only had 2 shandys. I  led there and cried into my pillow so my parents didn’t hear. He just turned over and went to sleep like nothing happened.

I couldn’t bear to look at him I was disgusted that he gave me no respect and that he wasn’t being the caring bloke he always had been. I felt like i couldn’t just sweep it under the carpet and carry on so i told him i wanted to finish with him.

He kept on questioning why and didn’t see he did anything wrong. To this day he probably still thinks he wasn’t in the wrong but he damn was.

No matter whether they are your boyfriend or not

If you haven’t said you want to have sex with them and they proceed its pretty much rape.

Please do not suffer in silence if this has ever happened to you it took me ages to confide in someone and i wish i’d done it sooner.


Stages of a relationship (in pictures)

You look at each other and instantly fireworks spark, you have butterflies and yeah you’re in there hook line and sinker.

 On the date your true colours shine through and they think your something kinda special.

Life is peachy and you can’t get enough of being with each other. Affection overload. Maybe the L word might slip out. 

Then one day they say they will be round to pick you up and you are at the window looking like an idiot cos they stood you up 

The where are you call turns into ‘ i don’t think this is working it’s not me it’s you…no I mean it’s not you it’s me’

Of course tears will be shed they were the reason you smiled, the adventures you had,just them made you feel like nobody else could.
Soon enough you see them walking around with someone new, they downgraded and you can’t help but giggle to yourself.

As one door closes another one opens and guess what you will be head over heels with someone else 

and your face with your friend will be just like this…..