Yes i know my hair is a little fly away but today that’s how i feel.
I wish i could fly away from all the upset in my life and land on a private island – sounds appealing doesn’t it.
I hate that over the last few years my poor health has taken over with my bladder, my neurological condition and the will to just walk miles around the shopping centre – but I’m so thankful that a wheelchair still gives me independence.
My days are always controlled by when my body paralysis will hit, how bad and for how long.
I spoke to my Dad on the phone earlier. He has vascular dementia and it was not the conversation i wish i was having with him.
I wish i was saying lets go on an adventure like we used to Dad. It’s so damn sad.
Only last month i lost my big brother who had battled cancer twice and this time it took him. It always pains me when its always the best people it happens to and not the bad buggers locked up.
Illness affects everyone i know that but it truly sucks when it’s yourself and your family that seems to suffer so much.
Tomorrow will hopefully bring a better day and I’m probably just having a bit of a crappy one today.
Rememer it’s ok to not be ok
Til next time
Oh my where do I start,
So, I have been not as active on here as I usually am. I really don’t want people to think I’m any less of a blogger now than I was when I was smashing posts out left, right and centre.
As you know if you follow me I have been in and out of the hospital this last year and it’s not particularly improving but I must try to manage it the best I can at home. My body still paralyses every day as soon as my eyes open it’s like it thinks ha she’s awake let’s be beat her body up.
To be honest I am actually coping mentally better than I was but of course I get those days when I think oh bloody hell, why me. My thoughts need to be – you just try me.
Also I had a birthday at the weekend which I couldn’t really celebrate for the very sad reason, that my big brother lost his fight with Cancer the day before my birthday. I really was hoping he had more fight left in him. Two years ago he was diagnosed, and he took everything in his stride. Will miss him so very much. Oh dear I’m tearing up again.
Please know it’s ok to cry though, it shows you’re human and have a heart.
Once my heads a bit straighter I will have a more regular uploading schedule. I much prefer to write and publish on the same day. I guess we are all different.
Thanks for being understanding, and I’ll see you in my next post.