Prepping for my operation

I say I am not scared but deep down I’m bricking it.

So on Friday I had to go to hospital to get ‘marked up ‘ which means they get a permanent marker and draw on where they think my stoma will go to and how high I wear my trousers so this is what my tummy looks like at the mo.

On Saturday I had to have my last substantial meal but also 3 of these build up drinks called fortisips. Luckily I like the 2 flavours they gave me – Apricot and vanilla. I must say it was hard drinking them as they are like a milkshake but fill you up a lot more.

I tried to distract myself from thinking too much about it and watched a bit of eye candy on the TV – Micky Flanagan. I know he’s not your typical hunk but there’s just something about him 😍

Today’s Sunday and I’ve got to seriously get sorted because tomorrow is the day.

I have to make sure all is packed in my bag the essentials and mum said she can bring things up at a later date when I’m feeling a bit more human. I have to stop eating properly at 2pm and can have jelly and ice cream til midnight if I am hungry. The dreaded drinks I have another 6 to drink today and then 2 Monday in the morning before surgery.

I’m going to enjoy a nice soak in the shower as I dunno when I’ll be able to have my next one. I bought Bohemian Rhapsody on DVD so that’ll be tonight’s viewing before I attempt to get a bit of shut eye before my 5am wake up call.

I’ve got some scheduled blog posts for 2 weeks so I hope you’ll enjoy them.

Don’t push yourself too much

I know that the saying goes put your all into everything.

But honestly, be realistic about how much you can do and don’t make yourself feel shit in the process.

I myself have been putting pressure on myself to make podcasts and try and help others and give myself purpose.

Truth be told: At the moment my body paralysis is all over the place – possibly stress related but still not been proven. Anxiety has been present and my bladder is always problematic.

I can’t help these issues but i can not put so much pressure on myself and just help one person at a time when they need it.

My message to you is: Your goal will always be there, don’t rush. It will be worth it in the end.

Just breathe…Don’t panic

Over the last few days i have needed to try something a little different to unwind.

My health has been rather pants of late. My body paralysis has been a bit all over the place and my bladder is being evicted in a few months…you know back in the health update saying we were trying to dodge a big op…well it’s got rather desperate and am in need of a urostomy – a pee bag. So anxiety has been a bit erratic as you can imagine.

So i have changed the way i try to relax. Using a few apps on my phone

INSIGHT TIMER

It gives you guided meditation for all sorts of different aspects of life and i really like the timer part of it. You set the time and the sound you find soothing and away you go.

DAYLIO

If you want to keep a track of your moods and activities to look back on then the daylio app is great. As you can see you can edit your moods as i have and also the activities are editable too – still need to do mine. You can also add a little bit about your day too, like a diary. I like it so far.

Don’t be afraid to change bits of your routine to help you along the way.

Thanks for stopping by

Til next time

Oops it happened again

Sorry I haven’t been writing on the blog, my mobility issues bought me into hospital at the weekend.

My whole body was paralysed and I felt like I was pinned to the bed. It truly is a awfully annoying illness to have. So for the past 3 days I’ve been in a hospital bed surrounded by older people. I love the older generation but these are less sociable so my iPad has been a blessing.

I hope to be home very soon and to recover better in the comfort of my own bed. My creative juices are still there but I need to listen to my body and relax a bit.

Here is a video from back in the summer if you want to get to know me a bit better

GET TO KNOW ME Q AND A

I really want to do videos on my channel again in the new year just hope you guys will watch them too.

I will try and write on here once I settle back into my surroundings ( my bedroom)

Love you guys and I hope you all are getting in the festive mood 😘

Its just not fair

Yes i know my hair is a little fly away but today that’s how i feel.

I wish i could fly away from all the upset in my life and land on a private island – sounds appealing doesn’t it.

I hate that over the last few years my poor health has taken over with my bladder, my neurological condition and the will to just walk miles around the shopping centre – but I’m so thankful that a wheelchair still gives me independence.

My days are always controlled by when my body paralysis will hit, how bad and for how long.

I spoke to my Dad on the phone earlier. He has vascular dementia and it was not the conversation i wish i was having with him.

I wish i was saying lets go on an adventure like we used to Dad. It’s so damn sad.

Only last month i lost my big brother who had battled cancer twice and this time it took him. It always pains me when its always the best people it happens to and not the bad buggers locked up.

Illness affects everyone i know that but it truly sucks when it’s yourself and your family that seems to suffer so much.

Tomorrow will hopefully bring a better day and I’m probably just having a bit of a crappy one today.

Rememer it’s ok to not be ok

Til next time

AN ANXIOUS MOMENT

Today i set off not anxious at all. Waiting to get on the bus in my electric wheelchair with Mum to go have lunch my head filled with fear.

I had been on a bus in my self propelling wheelchair and had no problems but because my mobility in my arms have been affected too i have to start using a electric powerchair instead.

It was the anticipation of would i be able to get on and off without feeling like I’m gonna fall out of it…I’m in control as mum can’t push this one. I knew there was people there to help but i don’t want to always need help i want my independence.

Well i managed to control the anxiety in the end and I’m proud i can tick it off as something i wanted to be able to do.

I am seriously thinking about writing a anxiety book as i have had 18 years battling it.

Who would be interested if i published it?

Thanks for stopping by

Til next time

Taking a few weeks off

Hi my wonderful readers,

I hope you will understand me when i say

I won’t be blogging until the beginning of October…possibly just before as you know i love writing about my monthly favourites.

My health as you know has been rather troublesome over the last few weeks and since i wrote my last post i have been home from hospital and back in. I am now at home trying to recuperate.

I feel like i wouldn’t be able to do my blog posts while not feeling full par. So if you have a heart please understand.

Love you all xx