It began 3 years ago

Here you go here’s your stockings and gown, it won’t be long and you’ll be ready to go down. Sign right here to go under the knife, I swear this operation will change your life.

Today marks 3 years since I had my bladder stoma (also known as Mavis) I will do a video in a week or two to tell you all about it and the struggles along the way.

I just thought it was an occasion to write about as it has impacted my life since 2015.

I couldn’t be happier with it and I really couldn’t live without it.

Happy Sunday

Much love…Me xxx

Oh and here’s a quote I found quite fitting.

Give me a few days

Happy 2018 everyone,

I hope you all are having a fab one so far.

I am just writing a post to let you know that I haven’t been feeling too great for about a week. Had major earache on Christmas Day and a few days after. I then have had a couple of really bad days with my paralysis in my legs and along with Mother Nature and PMS you can imagine I just want normality.

Give me a few days and I’ll have some awesome blog posts for you. I’ll make sure they are worth the wait.

Much love and I hope you understand 😘

Best laid plans go wrong

I never thought this time last year I would be where I am. Living life totally different to what I envisioned it to be. All best-laid plans go wrong and illness doesn’t care if you’re a good person or not.

Today it’s been 5 months since my legs started to feel very odd. I don’t think I will forget the 20th of July in a hurry. It’s changed my life so much. Not a day goes by where I don’t have to struggle to do everyday tasks. I never thought I would have to utter the words paralysis/paralysed to describe how I was feeling.

I think it doesn’t help that today is my Dads birthday and he’s poorly in hospital…his ward is closed due to winter illnesses so he won’t have a good day, plus I don’t want to upset him seeing me like this. Even though he has vascular dementia I know he would still be so upset to see me in a wheelchair. He knows I love him so very much. It hurts though without me being like this. You never think your parent will get the most torturing diseases early and not be able to live his older days as planned.

My illness however is manageable but not curable. It will do as it pleases and stops me from doing normal things a 30 something woman does but I won’t ever let it get the better of me. It can make me cry and get frustrated a little but I won’t let it get me down.

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Who knows one day I may be able to hand back the wheelchair and the other mobility aids if they do wave a magic wand and live life a bit more free. I’ll just keep staying positive, work towards my goals in life and try not to see the way I am at the moment as an obstacle.

I have hopes and dreams and I hope that I can achieve them sometime soon or in the future, whenever… Just as long as I can put tick next to them and write done.

To any of you facing a struggle please know you will get through it even if it takes longer than you hoped.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Til next time

NEW THINGS COMING TO MY BLOG

I want to add a few things to my blog and I hope you’ll love it too. Since being ill I’ve looked at life in a totally different light. It’s made me think a lot more positively. I also want to be able to help people too. I have always been that kind of person – after having a bad time with bullying at school I went into youth work and counselling for a few years and it gave me so much joy to see others smile after feeling low.

So I wanted to add these things to my blog on top of the topics I already have.

  • Improving mental health
  • Mindfulness
  • Self care
  • Weight loss journey
  • Positive thinking
  • Health updates

I also am going to start a YouTube channel in the new year. I will leave the link here if you want to follow then as soon as my first video comes out you won’t miss it.

MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL

– All I’m going to say that is going to be like nobody else’s –

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Just a short update, oh and Happy 1st of December…

let Christmas festivities officially begin.

Until next time

hol

HEALTH UPDATE 

It’s Saturday afternoon as I’m writing this, curled up in the warm on a very blustery day. I thought it been a while since I gave you an update on my health in general so here is the rundown.

If you didn’t know i suffer from four main health problems that affect my everyday life so i will talk through each of them

ANXIETY

Having Anxiety for 16 years or more you would think that I wouldn’t get freaked out when a panic attack strikes. But I do every time and it’s the coping mechanisms afterwards that get me through. I have a couple of apps on my phone that are aimed at people who suffer from anxiety.  i will touch on them in a later post as i’d love to go a bit more into depth.

My anxiety has been problematic lately sometimes waking me up in the early hours and I need some music or a film to try settle myself back down. I’m hoping it’s just a blip and will subside soon.

LEG PARALYSIS 

I am still no further on with my legs than the last time if anything they have been getting paralysed more frequently and it’s been 3 months since I was able to walk and sometimes I forget and go to stand up to walk and then remember I can’t. A few other symptoms have come along with this like my speech is stuttery at times. I get little tremors and my circulation is quite poor.

I have an inpatient stay soon at a specialist hospital so if I go quiet you know where I am should only be there a few weeks. Hopefully they’ll be able to help.

BLADDER STOMA

Its been two and a half years since I had my Bladder stoma. I have actually not had many problems with it lately I’m taking the medication religiously and doing all the things I can to keep it healthy and functioning properly. I know some people neglect theirs and I think I didn’t have a 7-hour life-changing operation to just not bother looking after it.

So gold star for me.

M.E/ CFS

This is always lurking in the background. When I’ve maybe had a good day I’m always punished with horrendous fatigue and a voice that resembles a 60 year old man and I can barely focus on anything so I usually just sleep and sleep and sleep. Netflix always comes in handy put something easy watching on. I’ve had more bad days of it than good at the mo but as I say I’m plodding along.

Keeping a positive mind through it all as I know if I get a negative head on I could easily fall down into a hole of not wanting to do anything so it’s onwards I go.

Til next time

A Health Update 

Because illness has become a very big part of my life. I can’t just ignore the fact that life has changed for me big time. Before I would wake up and think what can I do today? Now I wake up and the first thing I think of, are my legs. 

Since the last update I have been in hospital again. Luckily they let me home the next day, as my really good friend lent me a single bed and the occupational therapist gave us enough mobility aids to start a shop. So my bedroom is now in the living room.


My legs are in paralysis 90% of the time so they are pretty useless. So it’s from the bed to the wheelchair and then back to bed with the help of mum and a couple aids too.

It’s hard as hell, I tell you.

If you look back at my blog in July – talking about walking miles around the city before watching our musical, that was literally 2 months ago. Now I can barely walk a yard.

Most of the time I’m extremely positive,  as I think it’s better than wallowing in something that can’t be helped. There is the odd day where all I do is cry. But hey I’m only human.


Until I have an appointment come through for the specialist I just have to plod on the best I can.

All this I couldn’t do without my wonderful mum and also the brilliant support of my friends too.

It’s 2 in the morning as I’m writing this I just can’t sleep. I find writing therapeutic so I thought why not do an update.

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That’s all to report on the health front.

See you in the next post

hol

It won’t stop me blogging 

Since I wrote my last post I was blue lighted to hospital again. With this unexplainable paralysis in my legs. Didn’t I feel pretty rotten and very much defeated.

After a week at home I had slowly but surely tried to get myself round the house using my walking stick and remembering all they told me when I was let home, but it somehow didn’t stop it from happening again.

I spent the last 5 days being tested and trying to find a diagnosis I’ve been told I have Functional Neurological Disorder which can happen to anyone at any age and some factors have contributed to mine. Here is where you can read more to what it is. No doubt I’ll touch on it in a later post.

FUNCTIONAL NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER

I won’t let any illness stop me from writing. It’s been my passion since I could put pen to paper and it makes me happy.

So if my posts are not to schedule…I will post them whatever day I can, I guess when my body lets me.

Don’t worry I will keep them varied and not all health related from now on.

Have a fab weekend.