Yes i know my hair is a little fly away but today that’s how i feel.
I wish i could fly away from all the upset in my life and land on a private island – sounds appealing doesn’t it.
I hate that over the last few years my poor health has taken over with my bladder, my neurological condition and the will to just walk miles around the shopping centre – but I’m so thankful that a wheelchair still gives me independence.
My days are always controlled by when my body paralysis will hit, how bad and for how long.
I spoke to my Dad on the phone earlier. He has vascular dementia and it was not the conversation i wish i was having with him.
I wish i was saying lets go on an adventure like we used to Dad. It’s so damn sad.
Only last month i lost my big brother who had battled cancer twice and this time it took him. It always pains me when its always the best people it happens to and not the bad buggers locked up.
Illness affects everyone i know that but it truly sucks when it’s yourself and your family that seems to suffer so much.
Tomorrow will hopefully bring a better day and I’m probably just having a bit of a crappy one today.
Rememer it’s ok to not be ok
Til next time
A year ago I wrote Don’t forget me and it was very hard to write as it’s about my dear Dad who suffers from Vascular Dementia which is when its progressive and really takes a hold of the sufferer.
I now write about him again as in that time period I had only seen him once and it’s been heartbreaking.
Since my dad left my Mum 12 years ago he has been controlled by the person he went off with. Before he got ill in 2011 he would have to sneak behind her back to come see his 4 children.
We never get told if Dad is in hospital and she never answers the phone when we attempt to ring. I know he hasn’t forgot me because on Saturday I managed to find out from the hospital I was a patient in that dad was in there. So for about 15 mins I could have a loving Father and Daughter chinwag.
It may be the last time I see him because I went against his partner but she needs to remember he’s my Dad and was in my life before he was in hers.
I’ll never give up on him. He brought me into this world and I intend on not letting someone dictate to me when I can see my number one man.
Please fight for the people you love, they are worth fighting for.
I really have found it a struggle to sit down in front of the tele at 7pm for the last 6 months or so and enjoy one of my favourite soaps. I somehow want to but its been rather upsetting at the same time.
Somebody very close to me has been going through the exact same thing as Ashley Thomas on Emmerdale. The most horrible illness there is besides cancer and that is Dementia.
My wonderful Dad has been one of the unfortunate ones to get it at such a young age. The onset was at 65 when he had inflammation of the brain and was in a coma for nearly 3 weeks.
Before my Dad got Dementia I never really understood what it was and how it affected that person. I really thought it was just forgetfulness. How wrong was I.
Its changed Dad completely.
His personality has drastically changed from someone who wouldn’t say boo to a goose and detested swearing to someone who talks rather a lot in comparison, and swears in frustration. The memories we all shared with him most have been forgotten and some are very distant. Its hard to know that my old Dad has gone and dementia Dad is here instead. But he is the best Dad and I help him all I can.
Although Dad still remembers my name and his face lights up when he sees my face I know in the not so near future he is going to forget who I am and wont be here forever like I would like.
This photo is 4 years old but it’s one of my favourites that I will always hold dear along with the memories we have shared.
I want all of you reading this to take this bit of info away with you.
Make as many memories as possible, be whoever you want and don’t let anybody change you as one day that may be taken from you and you wish you had lived a your life to its fullest.