Straight out of the blue

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Imagine turbulents at sea and how you’d feel …

This is how my Dr has explained to me what labrynthitis is… I have inflammation of the inner ear that causes your balance to be very distorted. I can’t move my head and if I try to look about the room feels like it’s spinning. So I’m literally confined to my bed and my head in one position until it passes.

Let’s hope it’s not too long a feeling. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone 😣

Oops it happened again

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Sorry I haven’t been writing on the blog, my mobility issues bought me into hospital at the weekend.

My whole body was paralysed and I felt like I was pinned to the bed. It truly is a awfully annoying illness to have. So for the past 3 days I’ve been in a hospital bed surrounded by older people. I love the older generation but these are less sociable so my iPad has been a blessing.

I hope to be home very soon and to recover better in the comfort of my own bed. My creative juices are still there but I need to listen to my body and relax a bit.

Here is a video from back in the summer if you want to get to know me a bit better

GET TO KNOW ME Q AND A

I really want to do videos on my channel again in the new year just hope you guys will watch them too.

I will try and write on here once I settle back into my surroundings ( my bedroom)

Love you guys and I hope you all are getting in the festive mood 😘

Its just not fair

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Yes i know my hair is a little fly away but today that’s how i feel.

I wish i could fly away from all the upset in my life and land on a private island – sounds appealing doesn’t it.

I hate that over the last few years my poor health has taken over with my bladder, my neurological condition and the will to just walk miles around the shopping centre – but I’m so thankful that a wheelchair still gives me independence.

My days are always controlled by when my body paralysis will hit, how bad and for how long.

I spoke to my Dad on the phone earlier. He has vascular dementia and it was not the conversation i wish i was having with him.

I wish i was saying lets go on an adventure like we used to Dad. It’s so damn sad.

Only last month i lost my big brother who had battled cancer twice and this time it took him. It always pains me when its always the best people it happens to and not the bad buggers locked up.

Illness affects everyone i know that but it truly sucks when it’s yourself and your family that seems to suffer so much.

Tomorrow will hopefully bring a better day and I’m probably just having a bit of a crappy one today.

Rememer it’s ok to not be ok

Til next time

It came back again

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Sunday afternoon just gone i was really not feeling too grand. I hadn’t made it out of my pyjamas, but after all it was Sunday.

Mum was due back at 3pm but by the time she walked through the door tears streaming down my face unable to move nothing but my mouth and said ‘ Mum it’s came back again ‘

Off i went to hospital via the blue light brigade – an ambulance.

The full body paralysis reared it’s ugly head and i wish i could of shook it off but 12 hours later and it had subsided.

My legs have been paralysing every day but im able to move my toes and feet while sitting which is better than nothing.

The really crap thing is there’s no cure for this paralysis malarkey. If it does the whole body I’m back in hospital again until it gets the hint it’s not wanted and sods off.

I’m in a ward full of old ladies but i don’t mind i have them smiling and laughing most days.

Discharge date from the hospital i can’t wait as mums food is way way better and i can have peace and quiet.

A little fundraiser

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Me and my lovely Mum have come to the same conclusion that my self-propelled wheelchair is not helping either of us… Mum finds it hard to push me as she’s only 4ft 11, she’s no spring chicken and I’m 10 stone…My arms play up too which then I can’t help propel. The most sensible thing is to get a powerchair so I can be more independent.

That’s what I’m looking to get. It’s not cheap and we aren’t rich so I’ve set up a page today.

HOLLYS JUST GIVING PAGE

I’d be so grateful if you could spare any pennies to help me get about a bit better. No pressure though.

Much loves and I’ll say thank you in advance.

See you in my next post xxx

A year ago today

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Some things in life are not planned.
This definitely wasn’t.
One year ago today was when my legs first went into paralysis. I couldn’t move them and had no idea why…

All those blue light visits to hospital and they finally gave it a name FND (functional neurological disorder).

Still a year on i don’t know why it happened and nor do the professionals. I have to live and hope that one day i can wave bye bye to my wheelchair and get back to some sort of normality.

Thank you everyone who’s been thorough this with me and kept me smiling. It means the world xxx

Disabled Not Dumb

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I believe we are all given problems in life so we can prove we are strong enough to get through them to enjoy the happier times.

The majority of the time I’m laughing the day away with a positive mind. I have been handed a pretty crap hand over the last few years and of course there are days when I don’t feel as strong and its just me, my hot water bottle and bed.  Of late there are people that make the situation I’m in – In a wheelchair rather annoying and sad.

Here are some of the things that people say:

  • Asking my Mum “Is she ok?” – I’m sat right here they can ask me
  • “You don’t want to be in there all your life” – damn right I don’t
  • “Can’t you just do more exercise?” – if only it was that easy
  • “I’m so sorry you poor thing” – no pity needed, it doesn’t help

Also when going on the bus some of the bus drivers aren’t helpful in the slightest and just expect you to do wheelies on and off the bus, the ramp was put in for a reason. There’s been a handful of times I’ve cried cos I have felt useless because I just can’t get on and off the bus like everyone else.

I guess there is always going to be ignorant assholes and I’ve just got to grin and bear it.

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I am not my disability and I hope that others can see that too instead of treating me like that’s all that I am. The majority of people are lovely its the minority that ruins it.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you in a happier post next time.