Prepping for my operation

I say I am not scared but deep down I’m bricking it.

So on Friday I had to go to hospital to get ‘marked up ‘ which means they get a permanent marker and draw on where they think my stoma will go to and how high I wear my trousers so this is what my tummy looks like at the mo.

On Saturday I had to have my last substantial meal but also 3 of these build up drinks called fortisips. Luckily I like the 2 flavours they gave me – Apricot and vanilla. I must say it was hard drinking them as they are like a milkshake but fill you up a lot more.

I tried to distract myself from thinking too much about it and watched a bit of eye candy on the TV – Micky Flanagan. I know he’s not your typical hunk but there’s just something about him 😍

Today’s Sunday and I’ve got to seriously get sorted because tomorrow is the day.

I have to make sure all is packed in my bag the essentials and mum said she can bring things up at a later date when I’m feeling a bit more human. I have to stop eating properly at 2pm and can have jelly and ice cream til midnight if I am hungry. The dreaded drinks I have another 6 to drink today and then 2 Monday in the morning before surgery.

I’m going to enjoy a nice soak in the shower as I dunno when I’ll be able to have my next one. I bought Bohemian Rhapsody on DVD so that’ll be tonight’s viewing before I attempt to get a bit of shut eye before my 5am wake up call.

I’ve got some scheduled blog posts for 2 weeks so I hope you’ll enjoy them.

Just breathe…Don’t panic

Over the last few days i have needed to try something a little different to unwind.

My health has been rather pants of late. My body paralysis has been a bit all over the place and my bladder is being evicted in a few months…you know back in the health update saying we were trying to dodge a big op…well it’s got rather desperate and am in need of a urostomy – a pee bag. So anxiety has been a bit erratic as you can imagine.

So i have changed the way i try to relax. Using a few apps on my phone

INSIGHT TIMER

It gives you guided meditation for all sorts of different aspects of life and i really like the timer part of it. You set the time and the sound you find soothing and away you go.

DAYLIO

If you want to keep a track of your moods and activities to look back on then the daylio app is great. As you can see you can edit your moods as i have and also the activities are editable too – still need to do mine. You can also add a little bit about your day too, like a diary. I like it so far.

Don’t be afraid to change bits of your routine to help you along the way.

Thanks for stopping by

Til next time

Taking a few weeks off

Hi my wonderful readers,

I hope you will understand me when i say

I won’t be blogging until the beginning of October…possibly just before as you know i love writing about my monthly favourites.

My health as you know has been rather troublesome over the last few weeks and since i wrote my last post i have been home from hospital and back in. I am now at home trying to recuperate.

I feel like i wouldn’t be able to do my blog posts while not feeling full par. So if you have a heart please understand.

Love you all xx

It came back again

Sunday afternoon just gone i was really not feeling too grand. I hadn’t made it out of my pyjamas, but after all it was Sunday.

Mum was due back at 3pm but by the time she walked through the door tears streaming down my face unable to move nothing but my mouth and said ‘ Mum it’s came back again ‘

Off i went to hospital via the blue light brigade – an ambulance.

The full body paralysis reared it’s ugly head and i wish i could of shook it off but 12 hours later and it had subsided.

My legs have been paralysing every day but im able to move my toes and feet while sitting which is better than nothing.

The really crap thing is there’s no cure for this paralysis malarkey. If it does the whole body I’m back in hospital again until it gets the hint it’s not wanted and sods off.

I’m in a ward full of old ladies but i don’t mind i have them smiling and laughing most days.

Discharge date from the hospital i can’t wait as mums food is way way better and i can have peace and quiet.

New wheels in sight

Being chronically ill, the smallest things make such a difference in your life and put a smile on your face

I guess todays post is just a quickie to say i have only 150 pounds to get to my target to get my electric wheelchair.

I am so excited that my independence is in sight, so close.

I have had some generous donations from my blogger friends, close friends and then a foundation that helps out people in need. I never thought I would need something to help me get about but i really wouldn’t want to be without a set of wheels.

If you do want to donate, no pressure click here and it’ll take you to my just giving page. Anything is most gratefully received.

Lets hope that the next time i talk about this it’ll be when I’ve got it.

Just your support following my health journey is enough.

Its been a long long road

My day started at 7am the alarm went off. I said sod off to it twice before i got out.

Today is one long ass day i have a hospital appointment which is 2 and a half hours away. So i downloaded this playlist on Spotify for the journey. I grew up in the 90s so thought it was quite apt

So mum and me started our journey up there at 9:30. There was a lady who literally told the bus her life story we all couldn’t stop laughing. She was quite comical. She got off at the city before so we had a bit of piece and quiet for the rest of the way there.

So it was a double decker and as you can imagine there’s less space at the bottom. I was sat backwards because I’m in the wheelchair so i couldn’t give up my seat. 3/4 of the bus were OAPs so also couldn’t give theirs up either. So this old lady with a trolley had another older lady on her lap. It was so bad but she was smiling away. Luckily it was only 10 mins for her.

My appointment for the hospital wasn’t until 3:30 so we went to Debenhams and had a spot of lunch and a little bit of retail therapy but it wasn’t half hot.

So the verdict of my appointment is to try some tablets and if in 6 weeks there is no improvement tests will be taken on my bladder and possible bladder enlargement. But its a big operation like my stoma was so I’d rather not go down that route unless its totally necessary.

After getting on the first bus we got on to go home the bus driver couldn’t get back into his driving seat after putting the ramp down for me. His door lock was wedged. There was a spare bus but to be honest it’s not much better. It keeps overheating but fingers crossed it’ll get me and mum home by 8pm tonight.

I’ll sign off for now. Lets just say i can’t wait for my bed.

A year ago today

Some things in life are not planned.
This definitely wasn’t.
One year ago today was when my legs first went into paralysis. I couldn’t move them and had no idea why…

All those blue light visits to hospital and they finally gave it a name FND (functional neurological disorder).

Still a year on i don’t know why it happened and nor do the professionals. I have to live and hope that one day i can wave bye bye to my wheelchair and get back to some sort of normality.

Thank you everyone who’s been thorough this with me and kept me smiling. It means the world xxx