Disabled Not Dumb

I believe we are all given problems in life so we can prove we are strong enough to get through them to enjoy the happier times.

The majority of the time I’m laughing the day away with a positive mind. I have been handed a pretty crap hand over the last few years and of course there are days when I don’t feel as strong and its just me, my hot water and bed.  Of late there are people that make the situation I’m in – In a wheelchair rather annoying and sad.

Here are some of the things that that people say:

  • Asking my Mum “Is she ok?” – I’m sat right here they can ask me
  • “You don’t want to be in there all your life” – damn right I don’t
  • “Can’t you just do more exercise?” – if only it was that easy
  • “I’m so sorry you poor thing” – no pity needed, it doesn’t help

Also when going on the bus some of the bus drivers aren’t helpful in the slightest and just expect you to do wheelies on and off the bus, the ramp was put in for a reason. There’s been a handful of times I’ve cried cos I have felt useless because I just can’t get on and off the bus like everyone else.

I guess there is always going to be ignorant assholes and I’ve just got to grin and bear it.

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I am not my disability and I hope that others can see that too instead of treating me like that’s all that I am. The majority of people are lovely its the minority that ruins it.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you in a happier post next time.

 

He loves me, he loves me not

I’m sat here with soppy love songs blasting out of my iPhone, this playlist to be exact…

Takes me back to my school days of writing ‘Holly 4 Tom 4eva’ on my rough book, doing he loves me loves me not with a daisy and getting super excited when it landed on he loves me. The crushes on the older lads that you could only ever dream or write about. There’s plenty of entries in my diaries in the 90s of days I saw my crush and how my heart skipped a beat and all that crap…its so funny thinking back at it now.

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However, I didn’t have a proper boyfriend until year 10. He was also who I lost my virginity to which was not how I planned to do it and be slightly underage but peer pressure got to me and well it happened…thought I was pregnant and told my Mum. Ooo the disappointment…soon after I told her my period came on the bloody irony literally.

I wrote about my love life here if you fancy a read…

I am however very single at the moment. I know what I want in a relationship – its just I need to find someone who can accept that yes my legs don’t work properly 90% of the time and I need loving that little bit more, who enjoys snuggling up but equally go on fun adventures..oh dear this sounds like I’m making an ad for a dating site…i’ll stop now haha.

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Tomorrow is Valentines Day and I hope you enjoy it whether you are happily single or with someone who makes your world rock.

It’s been nice reminiscing. People say don’t look back but some of your most favourite memories are there.

Til next time…

hol

 

A Random Q and A

it’s Saturday morning, it’s peeing down outside, how English…

Anyways I thought I would do a very laid back post today and find some questions from good old Pinterest to answer. Some may be quite interesting others may be a bit random, its all a bit of fun so let’s begin.

What did you want to be when you were younger?

I wanted to be an author. I wanted to write from a young age and my dream has come true. My book is now on Amazon.

which friends character do you relate to the most?

I would have loved to of said Rachael but I am going to have to say Phoebe because of her randomness.  I like her can’t sing to save my life but give it a good try.

whats your favourite accent?

I absolutely love the Irish accent. On a weekly basis, you would hear me and my mum saying words in an Irish accent. I find it funny that they don’t really pronounce TH. I like the welsh too but an Irish man talking just melts me.

Do you have any scars?

I have 3 keyhole scars from my gallbladder removal 10 years ago, a big scar from my bladder reconstruction surgery from 3 years ago. oooo and from troublesome skin, I have some scarring on my cheeks. All scars have a story.

Favourite swear word?

I am going to say fuck. I have after all the years of writing fuck on a text message and it comes up duck I have it sorted…put it in your phone book. no number needed and your phone won’t get it mixed up. I don’t condone swearing all the time just when it’s needed.

Whats your guilty pleasure?

I think most of my friends and readers know I have a weakness for silver foxes also even though he isn’t grey I love a bit of Colin Firth. Who doesn’t?

What are you wearing?

A pink cropped hooded jumper, black leggings, Disney socks, an oversized scarf and a hot water bottle…yes I am wearing it. it’s never too far away.

Favourite boys and girls name?

I love the name Frankie for a boy and Lola for a girl…i actually would change my name to Lola if I could.

Favourite movie ever

Bridget obviously….closely followed by Dirty Dancing and Now and Then…all very quotable I could watch them over and over again without getting bored.

A celebrity you can’t stand?

I can’t stand Michael Macintyre simply because I really don’t like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes before the audience has. Give me Mickey Flanagan any day.

Ever skinny dipped?

No never skinny dipped but I definitely wouldn’t say no…something about just being free and in the sea, it’s like a ginormous bath without the bubbles.

Do you like yourself?

I didn’t use to say 2 or 3 years back.I didn’t like looking in the mirror for too long and didn’t like my body shape but I am learning to love myself and all of my flaws. I am much more body positive these days,

There you have it a get to know me in question form. I probably will do more of these at some point they get your mind thinking.

Have a fab weekend

Til next time…

hol

THIS IS MY STORY

What I am about to tell you happened a fair few years ago but I feel its important to get my story out there and the message to people suffering to know that you are not alone in this.

So it all started when I was walking the route to work that I had walked many times before, that morning was like any other morning nothing had happened to start off what began as a horrendous ride through that part of my life.

I got halfway to work and I felt this feeling I never experienced before,

I was gasping for air, I wanted to scream but no words came out. I felt faint but I couldn’t keep still. I wanted to knock on a door and ask a help but I just couldn’t. Little did I know that this was the start of something really horrible.

I had just suffered the worst panic attack I had ever had…at school I had a few but nothing like this one. I felt like the life I had built back up after my years of torment at school had come crashing down. I started getting crippling panic attacks on a daily basis and soon I was getting to the point where I couldn’t even step outside my front door, wherever I was would bring on a panic attack and I just hated what it was doing to me so I shut myself away.

The anxiety/panic attacks were taking over me, my personality, my appetite and my sleep. I was unknown to myself spiralling into depression. Something I had never experienced. A month or so went by and I really couldn’t take much more of the way I felt or didn’t feel. I was so scared one night that I begged my parents to let me sleep on the floor in their room. I didn’t want to be alone. The truth was I hadn’t slept for a week, I was having thoughts of how I could end this sorry life I thought I had. After voicing it to my parents they took me to the out of hours minor injuries as it was on a Sunday the stupid doctor there said to my parents what do you want me to do about it? if she wants to end it she will. The bloke really didn’t give a shit and at that point nor did i.

Mum and Dad were off to work that Monday and I said to them out of desperation of how I was feeling that I may not be here when you get home tonight please don’t go. There and then I knew I didn’t want to die, I wanted help, medical help from the professionals….and that is what I had.

With intensive outpatient therapy, medication and monitoring I began to see the happier side of things. There was a positive in every day and I wasn’t the only one who ever felt like this…there were millions that had some of the exact thoughts, feelings and fears.

Since then I have had a few times where I had a blip and had to go back on some antidepressants. My body has been through a lot if you follow my blog you’ll know. The last time I was on them was just after having my big bladder op, it was a lot to adapt to and I just felt so alone in it. But I am a much stronger now and have learnt to take each day as it comes and never be afraid to ask for help.

There are mental health awareness days/weeks but in reality those living with a mental illness sometimes don’t get a break for years at a time…like my anxiety its been half of my life so the awareness of any mental health issue should always be made aware of so more people understand and are there as a helping hand.

I could write a book on this but I think I will stop here and I hope its given you an incite of my story of how a mental illness affected me.

Here are a few quotes I thought I would add in here to anyone who is struggling or needs that bit of comfort.

Much loves and thanks for reading xxx

Q AND A WITH SWEET ALLURE

Today’s feature on the blog is Tarnya from Sweet Allure

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I have been following Tarnya for some time and I was delighted when she wanted to come on my blog to do a Q and A.

so without further ado  let’s jump in with the Questions

1) What are your top 3 favourite books?

I couldn’t possibly pick just ONE book from the Harry Potter series, so I’ll have to say the entire series as my first choice!

Then I absolutely love Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk, it’s dark but I love all of his books.

Then lastly I’d have to say Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur, I read it recently and it really rekindled my love for poetry.

2) What is your favourite cruelty-free brand/product?

I love Nars, Charlotte Tilbury and The Ordinary for CF make up! Also Superdrug own brand is good and affordable too!

3) What did you want to be when you were asked at the start of school and has it changed?

I wanted to be a Vet when I was younger, but then I heard you had to put your arm up a cows bottom and changed my mind! I’ve never really known what I want to do, but I’m happy with my current job as a games tester in the Video Game Industry.

4) What are your favourite arty things to create?

I actually am obsessed with photography, it’s my favourite thing. I want to try and incorporate more photography with art like an art journal or scrapbook this year for fun.

Why not show your support and follow Tarnya on the links below:

 TWITTER

 INSTAGRAM

BLOG

 ETSY SHOP

Let me know if you would like to see more Q an A’s on my blog or if you would like to be featured.

Thanks for reading

I’ll see you in my next post…

hol

JANUARY NEWSLETTER

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You hate those pop-up newsletter things right?

I am back to writing my monthly newsletters and am going to send out this months on the 31st of January

so I thought I would write on here to see if anyone would like to receive it this months and every month thereafter?

SIGN UP TO MY NEWSLETTER HERE

It would be lovely to have some more subscribers to join my little group I email so far.

Much loves and I’ll see you in my next post

hol

 

Speaking from the heart – Self Help

I have always been a bit of a talkaholic I dunno where it comes from my siblings are quiet compared to me.

Lets get to the point of it…

So I do want to start making videos in the new year ( with my face in ) but until then I thought I would start off with a few voice only less than 2 minute self-help videos. I really loved looking on Pinterest for my inspiration for these following videos so let me know if you would like more of these and I’ll get nosing again.

Reduce your Anxiety in less than 30 seconds

 

Powerful women Manifesto

Night time Affirmation

if you take the time to listen it would mean a lot to me. I love helping people and I hope these help some of you.

Much love

Until next time…